When to use it
Use it to prepare for a conversation you have been putting off.
How to apply it
- Write down your version of what happened, then imagine theirs.
- Separate their intent from the impact it had on you.
- Map how you each contributed to the problem rather than assigning blame.
- Note the feelings involved and decide how to acknowledge them.
- Identify what the issue threatens about how you see yourself.
- Open the conversation from a neutral third story that both of you would recognise.
Tip: Shifting from 'who is to blame' to 'what did we each contribute' is usually the biggest change.