When to use it
Use it when you need to raise something that bothers you without blaming the other person.
How to apply it
- State a neutral observation, as a camera would record it.
- Name the feeling it creates in you, not what you think they did to you.
- Name the underlying need that is not being met.
- Make a specific, doable request rather than a demand.
- Listen for their feelings and needs in reply, using the same four parts.
Tip: Avoid disguised judgements such as 'I feel ignored'; that describes their action, not your feeling.