When to use it
Use it when stakes are high, opinions differ and emotions are running strong.
How to apply it
- Decide what you really want for yourself, the other person and the relationship.
- Watch for signs that the other person no longer feels safe, such as silence or attacks.
- Restore safety by clarifying your intent and finding a shared purpose.
- Share your facts first, then the story you are telling yourself about them.
- Ask for their view and genuinely invite disagreement.
- Agree who does what by when, and how you will follow up.
Tip: Leading with facts rather than conclusions makes the other person far less likely to get defensive.